The following conversation has occurred several times over the past few weeks:

One of Multiple Friends at Various White Shoe NYC Firms: Hey Mel! What’s up?

Me: Hey Friend at White Shoe Firm. How are you?

Friend: Doing OK. Did you hear about the $20K raise for associates in New York?

Me: Yes, I heard.

Friend: So, what do you think of it?

What I Want To Say: What do I think of it? Well, every time I hear about it, my first instinct is to immediately toss my body in front of the nearest express train. I think about how you, with a similar or sometimes identical academic background to mine, are now adding another twenty grand to the obscene sum you already take home each year. I wonder what lowgrade smack I was mainlining when I chose to turn down those white shoe offers as a summer associate because I wanted to do employment law and have a “better lifestyle.” I think about all the shit that’s been slung in my direction over the past eleven months, both on the internet and in person. I think about how deeply I’ve disappointed close family members since January, how many people I’ve insulted and alienated, how I have no Goddamn clue where my next paycheck is coming from, and how many times I’ve closed my eyes and sincerely wished that I had never heard of blogs. That’s what I think of it.

What I Actually Say: I think it’s cool. Congrats. So are you out celebrating?

Friend: No, I’m at the printers. My deal is closing, so I’ll probably be here ’til three or four. In the morning, that is. And tomorrow and the next day as well.

What I Want To Say: And then I hear something like that, and all the doubt, fear and remorse washes away. Thank you.

What I Actually Say: That sucks, sorry to hear it. Give me a call when you have a free night, we’ll grab a drink. On you, of course.