The funny think about splitting up with someone after many years is that you find yourself totally reconfigured as a person. All the things you thought you knew about yourself–those qualities you’d pasted onto your mental bulletin board as “You” and pulled out whenever some shmuck in a family gathering or job interview asked you to “describe yourself in 5 words or less”–all those things, you realize, are pure and utter bullshit. The “You” you knew is gone, swallowed in the folds of what used to be an “us.” And now you’ve been completely recast, revised into a different character altogether, with no guidance or direction as to who the hell you are.
“Strong” and “confident” you say? “Capable,” “self-assured,” “sensible,” “positive”? Not anymore, buddy. Try “mewling sap” and “borderline nervous wreck,” while tomorrow might be “acidic bitch” with just a touch of “pissed at the world.” Later this week, we might have a guest appearance from “dysphoric joy-eater” and “spontaneous weeper,” and the Sunday matinee will feature three straight hours of staring into space.
Maybe it’s time to take this show on the road. Or just go to bed until it’s time to wake up as “blank slate.”
Share:
