It’s always an amusing time, the week before my birthday. Every September the little voices start whispering that some special event is coming up, some excuse for self-indulgence is almost here, until finally the hedonistic floodgates open, letting fly the unique and unbridled narcissism that is somehow socially acceptable on the anniversary of our entrance […]

I’ve been attacked by nature this summer. If I venture outside for more than fifteen minutes, it’s like I’ve spent the last 38 hours trapped in an entomology lab, covered in grape jelly. Bugs of all shapes and sizes have feasted on my extremities, leaving behind a range of souvenirs — Texas-shaped hives on my […]

It’s been quite a ride to get here, to this point in cyber-reality. I’ll spare you the soppy Grateful Dead-quoting high-school-yearbook blather, but I will say that one of the most rewarding parts of stumbling into this whole blog business has been the people I’ve met along the way. Two of whom happen to have […]

It’s an idyllic Saturday afternoon and I’m sprawled on a wicker chaise in Westchester, having tagged along with a friend on house-sitting detail. It’s easy to get nostalgic for an actual house — a foreign novelty after months spent condensing your existence into a New York-scaled diorama. We shrink and compartmentalize to fit inside apartment […]

I eat like shit. I really do. Every day is yet another opportunity for carbs, sugars, fats and chemicals to throw garden parties in my system. Breakfast is coffee seeped in sugar and cream and a butter-soaked bread item; lunch is leftover pizza, coffee shop croissants or any number of chocolate baked goods; dinner an […]

“Codependent” is a funny word. We use it as an insult, tossing it out to mean neediness, instability, clingy desperation and other forms of “pathetic” behavior. “I had to dump her. She was driving me nuts — wanted to hang out all the time, see me every night, talk about everything in our lives — […]

It’s wrong to laugh at another person’s embarrassment. Logically, I know this. I can list all the reasons why: at some point, we all commit social gaffes, hatch churlish statements, succumb to random acts of public clumsiness (I of all people should know that), and otherwise ruffle the smooth veneer of social interaction. Not to […]

“Hey, M!” Boyfriend calls from the shower. “I’m out of soap!”
“Why don’t you just use mine?” I yell back through a mouthful of Mini Wheats.
“That’s not soap. It’s that gel stuff.”
“Oh right, and your manly pheromones will be damaged beyond repair if you subject them to my Peach Wisteria shower gel.”
“I just need soap. […]

We all have a relationship with our inner dialogue. You know, the little voice in your head that babbles for hours without stopping, chattering away with its running commentary on everything you do and experience, sometimes silenced only by meditation, sleep, or tequila shots. (”What little voice?” your mind says as you read this. “I […]

I’m fundamentally uncoordinated. It’s kind of remarkable, really. On a typical day, I’ll discover at least four ways to slam, bruise, slice, maim, gash, break or flambé myself on a wide array of inanimate objects. Once in a while I’ll bust out with some feat of grace, often involving contact sports with countless opportunities for […]