Who knew that writing about ass grabbing and street catcalling would illicit such a flood of responses? Thanks to the slew of men who’ve written in with 5-paragraph essays on the topic - they’ve been enlightening, to say the least. Here are a couple great ones:

Ms. Lafsky,

As I’m sure you know already from what you wrote about your BF at the beach a few entries back, all men are visual creatures who have trouble controlling their reactions to attractive women (or other men, if they are of that persuasion). We’re like dogs that way. There, I said it.

Having two sisters and having dated enough women, however, I know that they do the same thing. They are just more savvy and subtle about it. Instead of leering, they glance. For them, that’s enough, and it’s nearly impossible to catch them doing it. It’s like trying to see a leperchaun. Unlike women, men want ALL the cookies in the jar, not just one. So they hold a look for a little too long sometimes, and it’s not remotely subtle.

Yes, some men catcall and act like complete pigs. But to me, it’s not about optimism — these fools know they don’t have a shot in hell with the women they are grossing out — it’s about acting out, an obvious lack of class or social grace, and breaking the mundanity of their lives for a few seconds. They get a pathetic rush out of making a woman feel objectified and intimidated. Even an upturned middle finger in response will make their day. (”She responded! I exist!”)

In my view, there is a clear correlation between a man’s intelligence and his restraint in situations like the ones you described. Without stereotyping too much, there is a certain type of man who catcalls at women, and he is in the minority. The rest of us simply look (too long sometimes), weep silently at the breathtaking beauty of another attractive New York woman that we’ll never talk to, or see again, and go about our business. That’s not remotely optimistic.

Anyway, I enjoy your blog, and I am looking forward to the published work that you will eventually produce. Who knew that so many attorneys pined for something better? You helped shine a bright light on a sometimes very unhappy profession, and for that, you should be proud. Take care.

[T. from New York]

p.s. Can you forward the contact info for the D&G fit model with the quarter tight ass who lives down the hall? Just kidding.

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Dear M,

Just as a casual aside, when I was in college (in the early 70’s), one of my buddies predicted that if he asked every female he saw if she would have sex with him, he would score about 3% of the time. So if he wanted to get laid 3 times he would need to hit on 100 women. He decided to do so indiscriminately. He decided to exclude from his pool of hittable females all very young girls and women apparently older than 60. (We were about 19 years old at the time IIRC). He would not discriminate against race, creed, color, physical appearance, body weight, beauty, style of dress, or anything else. If it walked, and had a vagina, he’d fuck it. He stood on a street corner, smiled, and said to every single girl/woman who passed him by, “Hi. Would you like to have sex with me?” He was ignored by most, told to fuck off by a lot, but got a few women to have sex with him. He went out with one of the girls for some months, in fact, although I haven’t seen him in 30+ years and have no idea what happened to him. He was a good guy, too, in the sense that he was not some sort of misogynistic ape, had a great sense of humor, and was highly intelligent. He was normal looking, not fat, not skinny, average height and weight; he had long hair as we guys did back then but apart from that was not very notable for his appearance.

So if you’re wondering why guys do the whole cat call thing, think of it the way sales people do — you thrown enough shit at the wall, some of it will stick.

-S