Ah New York Magazine. It holds a unique spot in the hearts and minds of New Yorkers. Picking up the newest issue never fails to produce about thirty minutes of delight followed by three hours of acute acid reflux. In a city polarized by every level of opulence and poverty, here’s an entire publication dedicated to reminding the millions floating somewhere in the middle of their place in the spectrum. Reading it is like joining a gym next to a professional ballet studio; no matter how many love handles you conquer on the treadmill, you need only walk home past the sea of twiggy nymphs with perfect hair to remember your status as a gelatinous sea cow by comparison.

Still, the magazine is intelligent and prescient, so I read. This article in particular is wonderfully written and well-researched, on the kind of topic that lights an inferno directly under my ass. It explores studies of modern happiness and the scientists that deliver them, culminating in the writer’s announcement that New York City, according to the “Authentic Happiness Inventory” developed by researchers, is one of the unhappiest places on earth. She then points out additional studies determining that material wealth and ambition do not bring happiness, and that too much choice in life is an indicator of misery. All while banner ads for Manolo Blahnik blowout sales and Celebrity Cruise Mediterranean excursions flash across the page.

I found the piece fascinating, but what provoked the strongest reaction was a study discussed at the end. The research in question indicates that “happy” people are less in touch with reality and that, on an extreme level, maintaining happiness requires some level of living in delusion. Basically it boils down to ignorance being scientifically proven to equal bliss.

To be blunt, this theory is a load of crap, an absurd oversimplification of the human condition. My previous thoughts on the definition of reality aside, happiness doesn’t mean living outside reality - it’s simply a matter of understanding and accepting it for what it is, rather than wishing it were different. The human capacity for obsessing and rehashing - in other words refusing to accept what is and what is not - presents a primary source of suffering in the world.

By contrast, let’s try on another theory: Happiness is a choice, a realization and wielding of our power as individuals. The world is brimming with horror and pain - they’re a reality. But their presence doesn’t eliminate the choice, it merely shapes it. Accept reality, and then take action to change it, in any way you choose. Contribute positively to the lives of others. Be a force counteracting the existing hatred and misery. Put acts of love and sympathy, not anger and scorn, into the world. Own your life, instead of just surviving it.

This all sounds hopelessly feelgood and theoretical, but it’s not. Will we inevitably feel rage, agony, discontent, jealousy in life? Of course - we should relish them, they’re part of the reason we bother living. Can we choose not to let them own us, but instead treat them as what they are: standard human emotions shared by billions of others, felt for a millisecond in the greater planetary scheme, a half grain of sand in the evolutionary timeline? Absolutely. When we understand that we as individuals have the power to make that choice, that’s happiness. The rest can take care of itself.

Is it easy? Hell no. Seething in pools of resentment and perceived injustice can be so fun - it’s part of the deliciousness of being right while others are wrong. But maybe the key to improving our own lives is to give it all up. Try not being right. Give it a whirl. Start with the little things, like not flicking off the asshole who cuts you out in the left lane or screaming at the political pundit on CNN. Before acting on impulses, consider that they’re just impulses, and you’re not right in the situation. Let it go. At first it feels impossible, like filling in the San Andreas fault with a spoon, but after a while it gets easier. It has for me - just ask Boyfriend.