For the past few years I’ve made a habit of stopping in my tracks every few months, glancing around the general topography of my life and taking stock. This week is the 6-month mark for the blog, as well as an anniversary of my start date at this firm. Last night it hit me that, in the short time I’ve been writing it, this blog has permanently embedded itself in my identity to the point where I can barely separate my external existence from my cybersphere alterego. It’s safe to say I love writing it – hell, I better, in order to bang away semiconsciously on a keyboard in the middle of the night then get up at the crack of dawn to finish a post before work. But I do it because I’m addicted to the liberation of full self-expression, it’s like fresh aloe on a steaming burn in my gray matter. Plus, writing a blog forces you to observe life with a constant presence of moment (except for those few exhausted minutes when I stare at the wall between caffeine breaks). I feel solid, more in attendance at my own life because I see enough of it to put on paper (or computer screen as the case may be).

The most common misconception people seem to have about the blog is that I want pity. The suggestion itself is insulting. I make my own choices, and I don’t regret them. I don’t spend hours on this blog because I want anonymous internet surfers to feel sorry for me for having some crappy job. I followed this path, this career, this life because I chose to, and I remain immersed in it (for the moment) by my own choice. Writing every night provides my release, a virtual bucket to verbally purge any pain or injury that may be roiling around in my subconscious at that moment. I don’t agree with much of what I see in my current environment, and I’m not given the option of expressing it to anyone at the firm. But here, in this little rectangular box on Blogger, I can articulate my thoughts however I choose, and then take a step back and laugh – it’s amazing how trivial all your “problems” seem once you’ve dispatched them like escape pods into the anonymous cyber universe.

I originally put this blog on the internet because I thought it might amuse others in my life. I then learned that it touched a nerve with countless people who share the same doubts and turmoil, lawyers or no. My experience is not unique – I write for the hollow-eyed, pasty compatriots holed up in the myriad highrises around me, and the hundreds of cutthroat hungry law students lining up to take our places once we’re carted away. And I write for anyone also glaring resistantly into the abyss of life unfulfillment, or who simply wants a break during the day to laugh at my overblown metaphors or escape a rough afternoon by stepping into my life for a few minutes. Pity? Please – most people experience the same, or far worse, every day. I wouldn’t insult them, or myself, by asking for it.

Overall, I have a fantastic life – parents who love me enough to make sure I received a world class education, a (obscenely overpriced, but it’s Manhattan) roof over my head, a rich existence filled with loving friendships, daily chocolate doses and constant amusement. I laugh far more than once a day, I wake every morning to Cat’s beguiling purr (and Boyfriend’s endearing snoring), and I walk through life knowing that, whatever happens, whichever path I choose, I’ll follow it with passion. And, thanks to the blog, I’ll have thousands to share it with. Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful weekend.